What I would be - more ramblings

Some, it seems, are born with a great talent, or at least a passion to nourish a talent and make it great. Some of us never figure it out, or let obstacles get in our way, or just don't have it, whatever "it" is.

I was thinking about what I would want to be if I could:
A good artist
A good writer
Good at a musical instrument
A research scientist
A great teacher 
Just good at something. Good in a way that I feel like I am good at it. I have felt that way for brief moments, but then came to my senses and decided, I'm not that good.

Those are on the top of my list. Why I never attained any of those I am not quite sure. Didn't work hard enough? Just don't have the ability? Stumbled over some obstacles - seen and unseen? I could make excuses. Yes, I was discouraged from pursuing some of these. But that happens to others also, and they prevail despite what others put in their way.

Ability.  Well, I seem able to do many things, but none of them exceedingly well. Do I not try hard enough? Maybe. I have trouble concentrating on one thing to the exclusion of everything else, which seems necessary to excel at one thing. Some people, it seems, can do certain things with little effort. That is how it appears, but may not be the reality.

Hard work. Yes. Working hard at something does make you better. I wonder, though, if no matter how hard you work at something you will hit a limit to what you can accomplish. It has always felt that way to me. As if I can go just so far and that is it. I might just be limiting myself. I get easily discouraged when I can not meet my own goal.

Then there is always, "am I trying to satisfy myself, or trying to gain approval  and praise from others?" Both, I think. I keep telling myself that it does not matter what others think. But it does. When we are at the end of our lives, we want to know that someone will remember us. Being good at something helps to ensure that. There are other ways, of course. Be an honorable human being. Do good things for others. Do good things for the Earth. Maybe it is time to try harder at those other things.